Wonder-More

hookersorcake:

I used to draw when I was a little kid. I’d draw mostly hot rods, gun fights and wanted posters. But one day it dawned on me, if I wanted too, I could draw boobs. Oh boy, I got pretty excited. Duh! Why didn’t I think of this before?

So I hid under the kitchen table with a stack off paper and my pencil. There was a great silence in the cosmos. Never had a vision of ones destiny ever been so clear. I bowed my head and the silence listened for the roar. “I will draw boobs!” shouted consciousness in its singular declaration of being.

And thus the master set off to collect his bounty. But oh great darkness! Why dost though make me a butcher?! I could not draw boobs! I could draw circles with dots in them. I could draw w’s with little eyes on them. I could draw a half circle with a  raisin upon it. But none of these were boobs! Dejected, I stormed off in search of my bubble pipe. Oh cruel vale of tears…

As I stood on the veranda studying the horizon, the neighbor girl walked by. She was a bright eyed giggler full of inwoven springs and tight jostling things that made my mind weak. I could barely breathe. I knew right then I would spend the rest of life becoming the master of boobs. I turned round and went right back in that house to WORK!

and there was my mother. She was looking at my boob drawings. Oh shit. The noose hath slipped round my neck.

“Why are you practicing the alphabet?” she asked.

What? She doesn’t know, she thinks I…

“I just like letters?” I said.

“Oh - well, pick up your toys its time for supper.”

That was the moment that I learned incompetency can save your ass. And I thought, perhaps its best to master a different form.