Wonder-More

hookersorcake: Pretty cool. Though I am having second thoughts on my 1 star review promotion, that was where I encouraged people to give me a 1 star reviews on Amazon.  It did get me 250,000 page views on stumbleupon and got me on Ellen.com which in turn paid for my airplane glue habit… so caveat emptor Now I’m giving it away until Thursday at midnight.

hookersorcake:

Pretty cool. Though I am having second thoughts on my 1 star review promotion, that was where I encouraged people to give me a 1 star reviews on Amazon.  It did get me 250,000 page views on stumbleupon and got me on Ellen.com which in turn paid for my airplane glue habit… so caveat emptor

Now I’m giving it away until Thursday at midnight.

hookersorcake: Sometimes it hard to keep track of whatever mentally unstable, religious nut job, the Republicans are in favor of. Newt Gingrich is the flavor this week. Hope you like Vintage Vanilla, Fat and Mad Delight. An easy to remember mnemonic.  Gin + Grinch Actually its spelled Gingrich. Which is Gin + G + Rich but seeing as how I spent 5 minutes photoshopping together the above picture… before looking up the actual spelling… awww I’m too lazy to change it. (Note, I will stand in line for 4 hours to vote for Obama again, I aint that lazy.) And really who gives a shit. Sure you’ll have to know how to spell Gingrich if you’re on Jeopardy 20 years from now and the answer is “Lost a presidential election by a record margin.” Its also kinda funny to watch rich, white dudes, try to ‘out crazy’ one another. For the next debate they should just have the moderator hypnotise the candidates into believing they are roosters. They can all crow and strut around on stage til their hearts content. And we can all makes side bets on who drops trou first.

hookersorcake:

Sometimes it hard to keep track of whatever mentally unstable, religious nut job, the Republicans are in favor of. Newt Gingrich is the flavor this week. Hope you like Vintage Vanilla, Fat and Mad Delight.

An easy to remember mnemonic.  Gin + Grinch

Actually its spelled Gingrich. Which is Gin + G + Rich but seeing as how I spent 5 minutes photoshopping together the above picture… before looking up the actual spelling… awww I’m too lazy to change it. (Note, I will stand in line for 4 hours to vote for Obama again, I aint that lazy.)

And really who gives a shit. Sure you’ll have to know how to spell Gingrich if you’re on Jeopardy 20 years from now and the answer is “Lost a presidential election by a record margin.”

Its also kinda funny to watch rich, white dudes, try to ‘out crazy’ one another. For the next debate they should just have the moderator hypnotise the candidates into believing they are roosters. They can all crow and strut around on stage til their hearts content. And we can all makes side bets on who drops trou first.

hookersorcake: Whenever I’m ordering out for more supplies, IE. eyeliner and lubrication, I keep hitting the wrong button on my IG phone and eliminating my entire family. Sure they’re easy and cheap to replicate. But afterwards I always feel a bit weird and I don’t dream for weeks. Remember before the conscious expansion how most everyone took dreams for granted? Now they are more valuable than silence. And I’m talking real silence, not that fake shit they sell online. People need to realize, I’m just like every other blogger out there, bitching about my hopeless boring life. Only I’m from the future/past where our core has expanded at such a rapid rate that everything has collapsed in upon itself creating one giant cluster fuck of a cocaine orgy/dying singular consciousness, so that just kinda makes things sound cool and interesting. Trust us, its not. Its just like now as it always is.

hookersorcake:

Whenever I’m ordering out for more supplies, IE. eyeliner and lubrication, I keep hitting the wrong button on my IG phone and eliminating my entire family. Sure they’re easy and cheap to replicate. But afterwards I always feel a bit weird and I don’t dream for weeks. Remember before the conscious expansion how most everyone took dreams for granted? Now they are more valuable than silence. And I’m talking real silence, not that fake shit they sell online.

People need to realize, I’m just like every other blogger out there, bitching about my hopeless boring life. Only I’m from the future/past where our core has expanded at such a rapid rate that everything has collapsed in upon itself creating one giant cluster fuck of a cocaine orgy/dying singular consciousness, so that just kinda makes things sound cool and interesting. Trust us, its not. Its just like now as it always is.

hookersorcake: I’m begininning to enjoy political correctness. Yeah, maybe I’m just getting old but I feel like ‘I get it’ now. The whole point in not using certain hurtful words is so all people - regardless of sex, race, sexual identity, and physical appearance can feel as if they’re just plain ol human beings. And everyone should enjoy this freedom. Its the same old freedom that boring straight white dudes like me have enjoyed for years. The tedious vacuous freedom, puntuated by impotent fits of rage, culminating in throwing bottles of scotch into the roaring void. Trust me, its really awesome. The only obstacle any human being should ever have to deal with is their own inadequacy and self loathing. And we’ve got drugs for this now.

hookersorcake:

I’m begininning to enjoy political correctness. Yeah, maybe I’m just getting old but I feel like ‘I get it’ now.

The whole point in not using certain hurtful words is so all people - regardless of sex, race, sexual identity, and physical appearance can feel as if they’re just plain ol human beings. And everyone should enjoy this freedom. Its the same old freedom that boring straight white dudes like me have enjoyed for years.

The tedious vacuous freedom, puntuated by impotent fits of rage, culminating in throwing bottles of scotch into the roaring void. Trust me, its really awesome.

The only obstacle any human being should ever have to deal with is their own inadequacy and self loathing. And we’ve got drugs for this now.

hookersorcake: Hey wonderful humans! My new book goes on sale on Amazon in a few minutes. Hookers or Cake II Amazon says that it won’t ship for 2 - 4 weeks but this is a lie. It actually drop ships within 24hrs from one of 12 locations across the country and is even available in the UK and Australia! Of course you can always get free shipping if your order is $25 and it totally qualifies for their 4 books for the price of 3 thingy. I worked all year on this little bitch! Its filled with 30+ illustrations for the kids! 116 pages and looks, feels, and smells just like a real book. Ands its only $8.95 and £5 in the UK. If you received an advance copy you can always give it a scandalous review. Ok, enough whoring… Happy New Year!

hookersorcake:

Hey wonderful humans! My new book goes on sale on Amazon in a few minutes.

Hookers or Cake II

Amazon says that it won’t ship for 2 - 4 weeks but this is a lie. It actually drop ships within 24hrs from one of 12 locations across the country and is even available in the UK and Australia! Of course you can always get free shipping if your order is $25 and it totally qualifies for their 4 books for the price of 3 thingy.

I worked all year on this little bitch! Its filled with 30+ illustrations for the kids! 116 pages and looks, feels, and smells just like a real book. Ands its only $8.95 and £5 in the UK.

If you received an advance copy you can always give it a scandalous review.

Ok, enough whoring… Happy New Year!

thedailywhat:

Never A Dull Moment of the Day: You never know what you’re going to find inside a New York City subway car. 

True, it’s mostly people making out with rats. 

But, every once in a while, it’s an impromptu ukulele-bongo jam session between strangers. 

Perhaps one day you’ll come across an impromptu ukulele-bongo jam session between rats. 

You just never know!

[towleroad.]

hookersorcake: I used to draw when I was a little kid. I’d draw mostly hot rods, gun fights and wanted posters. But one day it dawned on me, if I wanted too, I could draw boobs. Oh boy, I got pretty excited. Duh! Why didn’t I think of this before? So I hid under the kitchen table with a stack off paper and my pencil. There was a great silence in the cosmos. Never had a vision of ones destiny ever been so clear. I bowed my head and the silence listened for the roar. “I will draw boobs!” shouted consciousness in its singular declaration of being. And thus the master set off to collect his bounty. But oh great darkness! Why dost though make me a butcher?! I could not draw boobs! I could draw circles with dots in them. I could draw w’s with little eyes on them. I could draw a half circle with a  raisin upon it. But none of these were boobs! Dejected, I stormed off in search of my bubble pipe. Oh cruel vale of tears… As I stood on the veranda studying the horizon, the neighbor girl walked by. She was a bright eyed giggler full of inwoven springs and tight jostling things that made my mind weak. I could barely breathe. I knew right then I would spend the rest of life becoming the master of boobs. I turned round and went right back in that house to WORK! and there was my mother. She was looking at my boob drawings. Oh shit. The noose hath slipped round my neck. “Why are you practicing the alphabet?” she asked. What? She doesn’t know, she thinks I… “I just like letters?” I said. “Oh - well, pick up your toys its time for supper.” That was the moment that I learned incompetency can save your ass. And I thought, perhaps its best to master a different form.

hookersorcake:

I used to draw when I was a little kid. I’d draw mostly hot rods, gun fights and wanted posters. But one day it dawned on me, if I wanted too, I could draw boobs. Oh boy, I got pretty excited. Duh! Why didn’t I think of this before?

So I hid under the kitchen table with a stack off paper and my pencil. There was a great silence in the cosmos. Never had a vision of ones destiny ever been so clear. I bowed my head and the silence listened for the roar. “I will draw boobs!” shouted consciousness in its singular declaration of being.

And thus the master set off to collect his bounty. But oh great darkness! Why dost though make me a butcher?! I could not draw boobs! I could draw circles with dots in them. I could draw w’s with little eyes on them. I could draw a half circle with a  raisin upon it. But none of these were boobs! Dejected, I stormed off in search of my bubble pipe. Oh cruel vale of tears…

As I stood on the veranda studying the horizon, the neighbor girl walked by. She was a bright eyed giggler full of inwoven springs and tight jostling things that made my mind weak. I could barely breathe. I knew right then I would spend the rest of life becoming the master of boobs. I turned round and went right back in that house to WORK!

and there was my mother. She was looking at my boob drawings. Oh shit. The noose hath slipped round my neck.

“Why are you practicing the alphabet?” she asked.

What? She doesn’t know, she thinks I…

“I just like letters?” I said.

“Oh - well, pick up your toys its time for supper.”

That was the moment that I learned incompetency can save your ass. And I thought, perhaps its best to master a different form.

jimmythemustascheman: Here I am wearing “my revolutionary outfit of the day” with my best poop brown pullover underneath to keep in the swanky. I plan on wearing this down at 5th and Wells Ave. for the lunchtime crowd. That should get me some dates!

jimmythemustascheman:

Here I am wearing “my revolutionary outfit of the day” with my best poop brown pullover underneath to keep in the swanky.

I plan on wearing this down at 5th and Wells Ave. for the lunchtime crowd. That should get me some dates!

hookersorcake: Maybe I’ll write a nice Christmas story… In the backyard of my friends house there is a huge evergreen tree on a hill. Its tall enough to whisper to the birds and make friends with the clouds. One winters evening I was over there making music in the basement with my friend when we took a break and staggered out back to have a smoke. As we were both taking a leak we saw some small red twinkling under the evergreen. “You see that?”  ”Yeah.” I nod. We both zip up simultaneously and slowly walk closer…  tiny red lights. We get down on all fours and stick our heads under the low hanging branches like a couple midgets peeking under a fat womans dress. Mushrooms. Red and white ones. I pick a fat one and hold it up. “Dude,” I say way too seriously, “we need to eat these.” “I don’t know if thats a good idea…” my friend says. “Its like 2 days before Christmas and God just left us cosmic presents under a giant ass tree. I’m eating one.” I popped it in my mouth. My friends sighs and mutters under his breathe as he looks for a smaller one to ingest.I blink and the next thing I know I’m at an Arby’s and I got a gun in a woman’s mouth, but then she starts sucking on it all sexy like as she slowly morphs into my friend, who in reality is just eating a Big Roast Beef. “Man, I’m fucking wasted,” I whisper.  And he just nods and continues to commune with the strange meat. The lights seem to be getting dim and I look around. Theres a spotlight shinging on something just behind the counter. I go over and theres a woman laying on the floor. She has just given birth to what looks like a small skinless pony.  The pony is trying to stand but it keeps falling over. Finally it gets up and steadies itself on knocked knees and just as its about to take its first step its grabbed by several hands of a large machine that tear its scared braying body into pieces. The pieces are then served on a bun with a sprig of mint to the waiting guests. When I look back to the woman she is pregnant again and staring up to me expectantly. “Will everything be ok?” Her large eyes search my face for some sort of sign. I smile and she smiles. “Everything will be just fine.” I say to her, patting her hands. And suddenly I have a gun in my hand again.Happy Holidays everybody!!!

hookersorcake:

Maybe I’ll write a nice Christmas story…


In the backyard of my friends house there is a huge evergreen tree on a hill. Its tall enough to whisper to the birds and make friends with the clouds.

 One winters evening I was over there making music in the basement with my friend when we took a break and staggered out back to have a smoke. As we were both taking a leak we saw some small red twinkling under the evergreen.

“You see that?”

 ”Yeah.” I nod.

We both zip up simultaneously and slowly walk closer…  tiny red lights. We get down on all fours and stick our heads under the low hanging branches like a couple midgets peeking under a fat womans dress. Mushrooms. Red and white ones. I pick a fat one and hold it up.

“Dude,” I say way too seriously, “we need to eat these.”

“I don’t know if thats a good idea…” my friend says.

“Its like 2 days before Christmas and God just left us cosmic presents under a giant ass tree. I’m eating one.”

I popped it in my mouth. My friends sighs and mutters under his breathe as he looks for a smaller one to ingest.

I blink and the next thing I know I’m at an Arby’s and I got a gun in a woman’s mouth, but then she starts sucking on it all sexy like as she slowly morphs into my friend, who in reality is just eating a Big Roast Beef.

“Man, I’m fucking wasted,” I whisper. 

And he just nods and continues to commune with the strange meat.

The lights seem to be getting dim and I look around. Theres a spotlight shinging on something just behind the counter. I go over and theres a woman laying on the floor. She has just given birth to what looks like a small skinless pony.  The pony is trying to stand but it keeps falling over. Finally it gets up and steadies itself on knocked knees and just as its about to take its first step its grabbed by several hands of a large machine that tear its scared braying body into pieces. The pieces are then served on a bun with a sprig of mint to the waiting guests. When I look back to the woman she is pregnant again and staring up to me expectantly.

“Will everything be ok?”

Her large eyes search my face for some sort of sign. I smile and she smiles.

“Everything will be just fine.” I say to her, patting her hands. And suddenly I have a gun in my hand again.

Happy Holidays everybody!!!

hookersorcake: Holiday Gift Special! $20   T-shirt comes with signed copy of Hookers or Cake II book & twelve postcards - free shipping - I have 8 Larges and 12 XL’s left and maybe even 1 XXL - sale ends when I run out of shirts. Hit up my paypal button on my website.

hookersorcake:

Holiday Gift Special! $20 

 T-shirt comes with signed copy of Hookers or Cake II book & twelve postcards - free shipping - I have 8 Larges and 12 XL’s left and maybe even 1 XXL - sale ends when I run out of shirts.

Hit up my paypal button on my website.


I got mine, go get yours!! HOT HOT HOT hookersorcake: Here is my T-shirt! Just to clear up any confusion, it is all four designs on one T-shirt. I don’t have the funds to create four separate shirts with individual authors just yet. If you want a shirt I am putting together a nice gift set that includes… 1 white preshrunk ringspun heavyweight cotton T-shirt with the 4 Kings of Literature design - any size 1 signed copy of my latest book Hookers or Cake Vol II 1 set of 12 postcards of the author of your choosing or a mixed set 1 pair of plastic vampire teeth 1 Hookers or Cake book mark You will get all this delivered to your door by December 23rd for $20.00 To order go to my site HookersorCake.com you wil see a buy now button in the upper left hand side that will take you to my secure PayPal vendor account. They also accept all major credit cards. If you are in Canada just ad $5 for extra postage. If Overseas: Europe ect. please add $10  If you want to add extra t-shirts you can do so for $12 per shirt. If you want to add Hookers or Cake volume I or extra copies of volume II - $5 each Ok, I think we did it. If you still have questions Message me. Thank you wonderful humans!

I got mine, go get yours!!

HOT HOT HOT

hookersorcake:

Here is my T-shirt! Just to clear up any confusion, it is all four designs on one T-shirt. I don’t have the funds to create four separate shirts with individual authors just yet.

If you want a shirt I am putting together a nice gift set that includes…

  • 1 white preshrunk ringspun heavyweight cotton T-shirt with the 4 Kings of Literature design - any size
  • 1 signed copy of my latest book Hookers or Cake Vol II
  • 1 set of 12 postcards of the author of your choosing or a mixed set
  • 1 pair of plastic vampire teeth
  • 1 Hookers or Cake book mark

You will get all this delivered to your door by December 23rd for $20.00

To order go to my site HookersorCake.com you wil see a buy now button in the upper left hand side that will take you to my secure PayPal vendor account. They also accept all major credit cards.

If you are in Canada just ad $5 for extra postage. If Overseas: Europe ect. please add $10 

If you want to add extra t-shirts you can do so for $12 per shirt.

If you want to add Hookers or Cake volume I or extra copies of volume II - $5 each

Ok, I think we did it. If you still have questions Message me. Thank you wonderful humans!